My doctor explained that Epigenetics (Epi “on top of” genetics) can change the way your genes are expressed.
Had my daughter's fetus grown in the donor's womb, she wouldn't be the same person. Just like if you plant the same grape tree in a different region of Napa Valley, you’d get very different wine.
Without me, she would not be her. This allowed me to find a new way to connect with my baby and find my way to my identity as a mother via donor eggs.
With all this being said, it is possible for your baby to look like you, even if you used donor eggs. There are a lot of things that are biologically imprinted on your baby’s fetus during the development of his/her gene expression while in your womb, and a lot of epigenetic influence after the baby is born.
I call it Mama Magic.
We all have a Genotype and a Phenotype. Genotype is our genetic code found in our cells that is shown through things like eye color, hair color and height.
A Phenotype is the expression of the genotype that makes you uniquely you. The little quirks about you that people who know you well can see. Phenotype is who you are, how you feel and how you operate. Things like facial expressions, personality traits, sensitivities, and even your scent.
Two people can have the exact same genotype but different phenotypes because of their environment. If you know any identical twins, you know that they each have unique traits that make them, them.
Our donor gave my daughter her cute button nose, but the mama magic is how she scrunches it when she’s mad. Her dada gave her the shape of her beautiful lips, but it’s the mama magic that comes through in her smile.
It’s a uniquely special bond we have to each other - a biological connection beyond genetics.
If you have a partner or spouse, chances are you don’t look alike, but you still love each other and have a strong bond, right? Or, what about your dog or cat? You love them like your babies, yet don’t share any DNA. We all have proof in our lives that DNA isn’t required to bond or attach to someone.
The donor gave us an egg to help make an embryo, my body did the work to make a baby, and my husband and I made a family. Together, we will continue to influence and shape who our daughter becomes - this is truly the most important work of all.
We honor and celebrate all parts of her - the parts that she gets from the egg donor, the parts she gets from her father and the parts she gets from me. It’s talked about very openly in our house, and always will be - for the record, my daughter currently holds the title for “Best Burper” in my family, and we couldn’t be more proud.
I know now, I never needed to share DNA or have a biological connection through Epigenetics to bond or love my daughter. I didn’t need her to look like me or be like me.
I just needed her to be her - the one and only her.
1. Coping with Infertility Grief: The Emotion Nobody Talks About
2. Should I Use Donor Eggs? Will I Have Any Regrets?
3. 4 Tips on Choosing an Egg Donor by a Mother via Donor Eggs
4. Bonding and Attachment: A Letter to Intended Parents
5. Experiencing Pregnancy Using A Donor Egg
Donor Nexus is an egg donation agency in Southern California, working with intended parents and egg donors worldwide. We invite you to continue browsing our website for additional resources and contact our team with any questions. If you’re seeking donor eggs or donor embryos, register now for free access to browse donor profiles in our online database.